Listen to Me!

Being present to someone is an act of humility.

Effective listening is becoming a lost art: in this era of echo chambers, tribalism, and winners and losers, we are not listening to each other. Most of the time we are thinking about our response. And if the person in front of us presents an opinion different than ours, we may mentally dismiss them as not worthy of our time.

How do we move from dismissiveness toward respect?

The first step is to be present to the other person. As leaders, suggest time to have a meaningful conversation, then give them your full attention. Ask them to expand on their views and listen to their story.

Look for places of commonality, not difference.

You can learn a lot by asking people to say more about their perspective:  You often get a feel for their personal identity and sense of worth. You also help them feel “seen.” The point is to understand why they feel and believe as they do - you don’t have to agree.

But being present starts with effective listening and leads to empathy.

Oxford Dictionary defines empathy as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” When we are present, we search for and connect with our shared humanity. Effective listening allows us to see commonalities with another person that allow understanding and shared feelings.

Advancing dignity requires that we offer others our full presence through listening and empathy.

Listening still doesn’t mean you have to change your mind. But it does mean you have opened your mind.  As Alan Mulally teaches, you seek to understand more than to be understood. 

To boost your presence:

1.      Identify 1-2 people whose views run counter to yours and make time to talk with them about something they said that made you uneasy. 

2.      In a spirit of openness, ask them to share more about it.  As they tell you, ask a few questions that seek understanding not argument, such as:

a.      “Help me understand why you feel that…”

b.     “What is the impact on you of this situation?”

c.      “How did you feel when…?”

3.      Feel free to repeat some of what you heard, then thank them for explaining.

Advancing dignity begins with seeing value in others. Are you listening?

And that’s The Gist of It™ - Ideas to advance dignity, practice humility, and develop leaders of character and integrity.

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Marilyn Gist, PhD